


All The Roads That Lead You There Are Winding

by flamingosarepink



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Sebson over the years, Set during Seb's 2007 debut to 2008-10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 08:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamingosarepink/pseuds/flamingosarepink
Summary: He says something that doesn’t entirely register with Jenson in that moment, something about how he doesn’t want to hassle him but they’ll come looking for him given there isn’t much time left till qualifying starts. “I didn’t mean to follow you, but you seemed in a bad way and I didn’t want to leave you alone.”
Relationships: Jenson Button/Sebastian Vettel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	All The Roads That Lead You There Are Winding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Directionless_Foray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Directionless_Foray/gifts).

> As promised, here is your gift. I'm so happy that we became mutuals, and that you love these two as much as I do. Thank you for being so supportive, and I hope that I did our headcanons justice. The title is taken from Wonderwall, by Oasis.

Everything feels as if it could cease to exist, once Jenson doesn’t realize where he is. It makes everything feel so much worse than it has to be, but it wouldn’t be the first time that he’s made things stupidly difficult for himself. _Stupid just like you really, and now you’re all alone._ The voice in his head tells him as the only sound filling the deserted hallway is his rapid breathing, until it isn’t. 

“Are you alright?” A voice asks, soft and hopeful. Jenson can only imagine what he looks like to this blue eyed, almost baby-faced looking boy crouched in front of him dressed in an almost identical racing suit. He says something that doesn’t entirely register with Jenson in that moment, something about how he doesn’t want to hassle him but they’ll come looking for him given there isn’t much time left till qualifying starts. “I didn’t mean to follow you, but you seemed in a bad way and I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

Later on in the day when the events of the early morning are a blur and he’s hidden himself away in his hotel room back sitting up against the pillows on the bed, does Jenson give much of an identity to the unintended witness of his pre-race meltdown. It isn’t even until the next day does he find out, in passing and in the midst of all the pre-race chaos. _Can you believe they’re putting Sebastian in the car on such short notice?_ The thought floats to the back of his mind as he climbs into his car, the voice in his head for once silent. 

It isn’t until the following year that Jenson sees that all too familiar face again during his grid walk in Melbourne, seemingly the same despite having traded the whites of BMW Sauber for the navy blues of Toro Rosso. As much as he would like to forget the circumstances behind their first meeting, the not so distant memory floats back into his thoughts easier than he would like as he sidles up to Sebastian once the younger driver’s team seems occupied with their own conversations.

“I never thanked you for last year.” Jenson says, an air of uneasiness to his voice. Although something about the lighthearted and hopeful look in Sebastian’s eyes keeps any pre-race nerves to a careful simmer. Present yet for the moment under control.

“What did you expect?” Sebastian’s words are laced with a firm belief that betrays his still boyish looks. “For me to leave you there?”

_Pretty much._ Jenson thinks to himself as Sebastian continues to speak. 

“I couldn’t do that to you.” 

A wise head on still young shoulders. 

\- - - -  
If his earlier performances of the year are anything to go by, Jenson holds little hope that Monza will go any different once he wakes up that morning and finds that the rain is still falling uninterrupted outside. He arrives in the garage, going through his usual pre-race routine and ends up finishing in 15th by the time that it’s all said and done. From his place in the garage, he can hear the loud almost thunderous cheers as Sebastian walks out to that so coveted top place on the podium. 

Jenson would be lying to himself if he said that he didn’t wish he was there too. 

At some point in the post race chaos, Jenson finds a quiet moment to slip away from the close confines of the garage environment that he normally finds a comfort. Maybe he shouldn’t be dwelling on the fact that p15 certainly isn’t in his aspirations, but there isn’t much that at the moment he finds himself not dwelling on. The non stop raining from the time that he arrived Friday? Bad. The non stop raining during qualifying? Bad. The non stop raining during the race? Bad. _Old habits really do die hard,_ the voice in the back of his mind is no more than a whisper as Jenson remembers the way to the empty hall way he had passed on his way into the garage earlier this morning. 

However he finds that he isn’t completely alone once his eyes land on Sebastian, an expression of surprise on the younger driver’s face. 

“Shouldn’t you be celebrating? I thought I was the only one who coped like this.” Jenson’s voice is soft as their shoulders brush, standing close with their backs against the wall. 

Sebastian’s eyes take on an expression of gentle brightness as he speaks, turning to face Jenson who mirrors the action. “If someone told me that I would be a race winner once the weekend was over, after the way the season started, I would have thought that they were joking.”

Maybe its something about their close proximity that makes Jenson close the distance between them, a featherlight touch of lips that takes on a seemingly electric quality once Sebastian kisses back. Sebastian is the first to move away, a faint blush over his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” 

For a moment Jenson thinks he might have upset him, but briefly once Sebastian is farther down the hall way he casts a glance over his shoulder to look at Jenson before he turns and disappears from sight. 

Somehow, Jenson gets the feeling that this won’t be the last time they see each other.  
\- - - - -  
The next year against all early expectations that he might have had based on the previous season, Jenson wins the championship. He finds that it is an explosion of feelings unlike anything he’s ever felt, and Jenson knows he would be at a loss of words when he trying to explain it to anyone. When his engineer reaffirms the win to him over the team radio, Jenson breaks into a rendition of We Are the Champions. He relishes in the spray of champagne on the podium. In the garage it’s absolute pandemonium, his whole pit crew screaming in excitement and Jenson himself cannot contain his happiness. After all the ups and downs and the struggles of the previous year, everything just feels _right._

In his post race interview while absentmindedly looking in the opposite direction of the interviewer he catches sight of Sebastian, disappointment written all over his face. Jenson is too clouded by the euphoria of his win to feel anything other than pure elation. _Don’t even worry about him, he’ll have many more chances to win. This could be the only chance you ever get._

For once, the voice at the back of his mind is confidently selfish. 

Later that night, once Jenson is in the quiet comforts of his hotel room still feeling the buzz of champagne sweetened by the championship win he hears a knock at his door despite the fact that he isn’t expecting anyone. He can only imagine the look on his face at the sight of Sebastian once the door opens. 

Sebastian’s blue eyes have taken on the expression of the most turbulent of seas, and Jenson swallows thickly at how close they’re standing once the door is closed and locked behind them. 

“I was beginning to think you were mad at me.” The words just fall from Jenson’s lips easily, and for a moment he doesn’t know if he’s referring to the fact of their kiss in the hallway what feels like so long ago in Monza, or the fact that Sebastian lost the championship to him by 11 points.

“I don’t even want to think about that right now.” Sebastian’s voice is low, almost a whisper as he closes the distance between them before it becomes a clash of lips and pure impulse. Jenson can’t help but hold Sebastian close in a way that makes him feel as if he could never let go.  
\- - - - -  
The next year, Sebastian wins the championship.

Jenson supposes that it’s natural he feels disappointed after having known what it feels like. It’s the kind of thing one feels and then never stops chasing once they’ve had it, just to feel it again. Under the floodlights of the Yas Marina Circuit from his third place spot on the podium, Jenson watches as Sebastian receives the winner’s trophy, only to have it replaced by tears that threaten to fall once he hears his anthem play. Once they leave the podium, Jenson finishes up his pre-race commitments with a robotic familiarity. There are things uttered about next year, how next year could be better, but something in Jenson just isn’t quite sure when the feeling inside is that he doesn’t even want to think about it now when things feel this fresh.

As he walks out of the garage and into the main hallway, he finds Sebastian waiting for him, eyes bright but shining with a fierceness. 

“You want to see me now of all times?” The way Jenson figures, Sebastian should be out and gone from here, celebrating with his team.

“I want you to come see me later.” Sebastian declares, his voice a whisper and with an unwavering look. Nothing could convince him otherwise. 

That image of unwavering fierceness doesn’t leave Jenson’s mind even as he wakes the next morning in the bed of a hotel room that isn’t his, with legs tangled and Sebastian sleeping close. 

\- - - - -  
It truly feels like everything is ending, and while Jenson should know better at this point in his life to nurse heartbreak with a drink, that fact doesn’t stop him. The various people gathered at this restaurant are here for his birthday, the first after his retirement. Most of them are friends he made on the grid over the years, but none of them are the one that really matters. He had pushed him away in the name of figuring his life out post retirement. _Are you kidding me? I didn’t think we were conditional to one space and time._ Sebastian had said, only to follow it up with an ever firm _You need to leave._ Jenson can only remember how pointedly he had said it, and it makes his self-inflicted loneliness feel all the more worse when mixed with the slight nip of the air in the midst of the last throes of winter. 

Some how this feels like all those years ago, when he used to find places to escape from his thoughts. Only now, that doesn’t work anymore. _You could have figured things out with him, he could have helped you._ The voice at the back of his mind has softened, with less of a bite than it used to have, but the truth of it still stings. 

Wrapped up in his own thoughts, he doesn’t hear the door to this alarmingly quiet outside space open, nor the footsteps walking towards him, nor the way the bench creaks as someone sits next to him. It could be anyone. 

“You shouldn’t be out here by yourself on a night like this.” 

The voice is unmistakable, the face even more so. 

“That makes two of us doing things we shouldn’t do.” Jenson finally finds it in himself to look Sebastian in the eyes, and the feeling soft hopefulness that he receives in return echoes of a time long ago. It’s all too much. 

“I couldn’t leave you alone, not on your birthday and not when someone calls me to tell me that you’re wondering where I am.” 

Even though there is still a feeling of glaring uncertainty in this new environment, Jenson feels a little bit more at ease once he wakes to a new day, and a familiar warmth next to him in a place that was once cold.

**Author's Note:**

> The main things I used to research the fic were videos of Seb's 2008 win in Monza, Jenson clinching the title in Brazil and Seb doing the same in Abu Dhabi, as well as their respective race records on Driver Database. Around the time I was writing this I saw an interview with Jenson that was part of the press for his new book in which he spoke of having panic attacks before races. It really brought me back to how important their respective World Championship wins were, given that they both came on the heels of what were previously, not great seasons for them both. 
> 
> I also had a playlist that I used to write this fic which is as follows:
> 
> \- Wild Wood || Paul Weller  
\- You Do Something to Me || Paul Weller  
\- The Changingman || Paul Weller  
\- Sunflower || Paul Weller  
\- True Faith || New Order  
\- Lucky Man || The Verve  
\- Wonderwall || Oasis


End file.
